I Wanna Be A Producer

"I wanna be a producer, With a hit show on Broadway
I wanna be a producer, Lunch at Sardi's every day
I wanna be a producer, Sport a top hat and a cane
I wanna be a producer, And drive those chorus girls insane"
- Leo Bloom, the Producers

Alright, so being a producer is a little way beyond what I have in mind of accomplishing as of now, but it's a possible goal to aim for. Yesterday, my dear friends, I've finally pushed through with my long pending resolution to enroll in a musical workshop - yes, I've enrolled in Repertory Philippine's acting workshop, and I am really hoping that it was a good investment, P 6000 bucks for 8 weeks of strenuous acting, soliciting, socializing, etc.

Like how Leo bloomed and became a successful producer under the tutelage, guidance and partnership of/ with the twisted Max Bialystock, I am hoping I can move out of my shy and introverted self and become a more confident and assertive individual through this course. Our mentor for the duration of the course will be theater actor and director, Mr. Robbie Guevarra. By the end of the course, we are expected to put up a play to showcase all the lessons we attained from the said class. I am really looking forward to a fulfilling and a "healing" summer ahead.

Although I tell many that this is my first acting workshop, I must confess that I've attended another acting course back in the summer of 1996, if I'm not mistaken. I think I was just 10 years old that time and was at the shady dawn of teenage maturity and rebelliousness, if not flirtatiousness. I really cannot recall completely - but there was a particular event that occurred during that workshop that have somehow crippled my confidence to bloom. I've never spoken about this little incident with anyone, until recently. Perhaps now that I'm trying to face and overcome the demons of my past - it would be appropriate to let it out.

During the course, we had an exercise where we were divided into two groups to brainstorm and come up with a good presentation for the other team. There was a man, around 23 years old, not handsome (must emphasize that point with exclamation points if possible), brown-skinned and of relatively medium to large built. I cannot completely remember what we were talking about, but he began chastising me, infront of our group..

Guy: "Bakit ba ang landi landi mo? Ang bata mo palang ang arte mo na."
Me: "Huh? Anu ginawa ko?"
Guy: "Di ba katoliko ka?"
Me: "Oo."
Guy: "E bakit ang arte mo ha? Di ba masama yan sa mata ng Diyos. Tawag mo sarili mo Katoliko pero ang landi mo. Kala mo kung sino kang maganda."
Me: "...."

I never understood what triggered that, and I can surely say that wasn't acting. Looking back, a 23 year old should have more brains than to embarrass a lousy 10 year old - I'd call him an immature and pathetic jerk, he should know better and just ignored the little pest - to add fuel to the fire, he had to bring in religion. Until this day although its almost 12 years back, I still bear this frustration and anger in my heart. I take pleasure imagining him wallowing in the pit of eternal recession, fancying his immaturity would find a way to haunt him into becoming a perpetual failure.

Okay, now it's time to heal... and let go..