Dysmennorhea Blues

WARNING:
**Some statements may be a little too visual.

Right now, I feel like my entire reproductive system has withered and has sagged down to my crotch, slithering away in streams of blood running out of me - bleeding me to a state of delirious fatigue. Oh my dying vagina. Every month I feel the desire the pull out my uterus from my body, leave it on a clean table until it's all well then return it back to its proper place. The throbbing pain is at times beyond my level of tolerance and its intensity would translate further into headaches and a sudden sensitivity to smell, sound, temperature - any slight difference can irritate me or just simply throw me to the next toilet wanting to vomit.

I understand that many women share my experience and with the ones I spoke with, they provided me with remedies that worked for them. Here are some that I can remember:
(1) My mom always told me that drinking a glass of cold beer or red wine would help drain away the clogs causing the pain. A glass of coke could also do the trick. For some reason, by the time I am twisting and knotting in pain, I'm in no mood to drink anything, much more, anything cold.
(2) Anesthetic medications like Ponstan or Dolphenol are recommended by some peers. My dad argued that if I can bear it, don't take the medications else I'd end up becoming dependent.
(3) Quiapo Pampareglas. Like a glass of coke, the pampareglas are really strong, bitter medications that unclog one's menstrual track - notably, these are some of the stuff abortionist women would drink to unclog their reproductive systems. I guess my embarrassment to buy surpasses that of my need to overcome the pain.
(4) A doctor told me to stay away from the cold, especially cold drinks, and salty foods a week from my menstruation period. Unfortunately, I don't really know how to discern salty from non-salty foods - unless the food tastes hopelessly salty, I don't seem to notice.
(5) Mom and a couple of married friends told me that it'll be gone by the time I get married. I think its a euphemistic way of telling me, sex would cure this terrible ailment for good. Apparently, that is still a far point in my life.

I can say that these remedies do help sometimes but nothing ever beats a hot compress on my tummy and between my legs, a candy in my mouth, a ready toilet at my disposal and a whole day to rest - praying Oh Holy God.