01 October 2008

I Don't Want To Get Married Yet

Once again, I would like to apologize for not updating my blog for the longest of time. Apparently, I've had quite a number of new adventures which has hindered me from doing so. One significant event that has occurred recently is the wedding of my second cousin, Cedric, who happens to be the grandson of my grandfather's older brother.

The whole day, I could not deny sensing a nameless and faceless fear, until one of my uncles approached my dad and asked, "When will it be your turn?" hinting my surrender of carefree days of single-blessedness. My dad replies with, "Soon. I may be a grandfather next time we meet." That was enough pressure to send alarms ringing, let me correct that, bonging. I felt a strong urge to tell my dad, "Don't say that! You're making me effin' uncomfortable", but of course I don't have that sort of guts.

I am not interested in tying the knot just yet. Sure, I may have occasional fleeting thoughts of how I want the celebration to transpire, but pushing those fancies aside, I do not believe that I would like to lose my freedom soon. My dad's cheery answer was not helpful to what I was and am feeling. I have resolved, and have made an agreement with my boyfriend, that I will be open to the idea of marriage by the time I reach 28, which is 7 years from now. By then, I hope that I've already established myself financially and emotionally to be pimped for marriage. Even though I know that whoever I will marry can and should be able to support my weight, I do not intend to be dependent on my spouse especially for my monetary needs.

In a way, I felt like a false clown, shaking the groom's hand and wishing them congratulations, but deep inside, I know I was thinking.. "Man, you're done for." Although I honestly do wish them good health and a good life together, I guess its the reality that marriages are not analogous to a stroll in the park or a flighty day at the beach. And I guess I'm still to immature and unseasoned to display the wisdom of deciding and accepting finality.

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