22 October 2008

That's Not Fair

My mom's cousin was married last Saturday. In preparation for that event, my mom told me to buy a dress since it is a formal party and I needed a long gown. Most of my dresses at home are black, which is an absolute no-no, according to my mom, since being traditional Chinese, my relatives may misinterpret my intentions as unsupportive and malicious.

I purchased a long violet dress that flatters my busty figure. When my mom saw it, we had an argument because "her side of the family" doesn't wear such revealing clothes. Sexy can be tasteful, and a cleavage showing dress is not the way to go. Therefore, I'd have to set the dress aside and look for another one. Luckily, I found one of my aunt's old dresses.

On the day of the event, I learned that my other aunts and cousins were wearing black dresses with such low cuts that I could see almost half their breasts bulging out of them. My grandaunts, who are already in their 60s, were wearing knee short dresses, which my mom said was too sexy for their age. I was the only one, who is not among the entourage, wearing a powder blue, floor length gown. You can just imagine my horror.

When I complained to my mom that all the rules she told me were not even followed and her allegations that black is not acceptable were refuted by the fact that almost every other kid my age was wearing it, she just told me.."Well, they came from Canada so their culture is different there."

Am I sensing a bias here? Just because someone came from Canada, means they'd be excused from prying, criticizing glances. Just because they came from Canada, they are no longer held back with their options? I am from the Philippines, but I know what I want to wear, can't have I have that luxury to choose?

What happened to the conservative people in "her side of the family"?

Just to point it out: I don't have any issue with my mom telling me that I shouldn't wear particular clothes. I just don't like the idea that others are allowed/ excused to wear anything they want, (and thus didn't have to SPEND) because of their nationality - it just sounds so "double standard".


Anonymous said...

church wedding ba yan? i heard from someone na bawal kita cleavage pag wedding, is that true? hahaha, sayang ung dress :P


Kwagoo said...

nope.. we didn't attend the church wedding, para sa reception ung dress eh.. :D

sabi ng bf ko itago ko daw.. masusuot ko daw un pag pumunta ako sa states.. haha

Maus said...

hehehe i agree with you
about it....eh ano kung from phils tayo pare parehas lng nman tayo tao..dapat express yourself!kung ano ba feel mong get up diba?!
passing here my friend--

niko said...

wow double standard ha!!

anyways atleast you obeyed your mom!! and that one counts!! youve been an obedient child! :)

thanks for dropping by at my blog! take care!!

reanaclaire said...

during my time, black is only worn when in funerals and sad occasions.. but nowadays, black is an IN happening.. but though it is so, in weddings, i still try to refrain from black clothing.. never know, the couple's old people might still be biased .. haha.. better to wear something more pleasant for them..

pchi said...

I love wearing black as well... 'cause it accentuates my skin tone

but although it is sophisticated, it isn't very common in weddings because there are connotations of color black that's not good to others (as you've mentioned)

I think the issue is not "Canada or Phil".

It is just your mom's ideas... other people might have not approved of it, they were not excused... since they are in the Philippines, they should at least fitted in the cultural context

but they didn't care, so never mind

next time, you know it's OK to wear your sexy velvet dress (haha)

Kwagoo said...

hi, thanks for passing by!

i believe that we all have the right to choose what we wish to wear, the problem lies in the culture you are in. Culture defines the acceptability of an action, and by choosing to be yourself, you either could generate change or risk being frowned upon. :(

Kwagoo said...

Thanks. I try to trust my mom's judgment. By being obedient, it's as good as washing my hands. hehe

Kwagoo said...

True. It is always convenient and sure to be on the safe side, but being young, I guess I still want to dare and venture into my other options. I guess, I'm still in my rebelling stage. hehe

Kwagoo said...

haha, thanks, that's a different way of looking at the situation. :D That's a different perspective from how I was approaching it.

I love wearing black too because its sophisticated and it can be easily matched with any shoe or accessory. :D

cel25's said...

i love to wear black dress also..but my mom didnt like it..everytime i wear that kind of color..there is a fight..

now that im here in states i can wear any kind of color i want.LOL..

well..viewing ur site again..have a great day.

chubskulit said...

speaking of black, i am going to wear one tomorrow for a ball hehehe..

I admire you for listening to your mom, at least komportable sya sa paningin sayo (even though you arent hahaha)...

Take care Kat!

misty said...

If I were your mom i'll do the same hehehe...

Kwagoo said...


haha, that's good to hear! :D
have a great day too! :D

@ chubskulit

thanks :D hehe

@ misty

i respect that, i don't have anything against my mom really. i just didn't understand why she had to give me the reason she gave. :D

i'm just telling myself now that my mom did told me that racist answer, but deep inside she really meant, "i just wanted to make sure i've raised a respectable and prudent daughter with a tasteful fashion sense." hehe

Anonymous said...

I guess if your mom didn't want you to wear that dress, she should've just said that she persnally didn't think it was appropriate. ah well.

- cobs =p